I am a believer raised in a Christian home, but in 2022, I became disoriented and tormented by what I later discovered to be derealization disorder.

This disorder creates a strong, distressing feeling that you and the things around you are not real, as if you’re living in a dream or somebody else’s life. I would be unable to tell whether I was real or not, and would feel a heavy emotional detachment from my family. This went on intensely for the last 3 months of that year.

One evening, it became very agonizing. I felt like I was slipping away from any form of reality, so I had to try to convince myself that I was “real” by repeatedly saying it out loud and taking multiple deep breaths to calm down.

In the dark of my bedroom, sitting on the floor, panicking but trying to calm myself, I cupped my head in my hands and thought, “Okay, this has to stop.” Before that derealization episode, I had been listening to Joseph Prince frequently on YouTube and Daystar. That evening in my room, I recalled his emphasis on meditating on God’s Word.

Although it was difficult, with the little mental strength I had, I decided to push through the pain and made the effort to start meditating because I believed it was the only way out and that God would heal my mind. That evening, I began meditating on Psalms 91:13 and 2 Corinthians 10:4–5.

The very next day, I kept muttering these verses under my breath and even saying them out loud while listening to the grace message and the Word of God. I continued meditating frequently every day for about 2 weeks. I can’t tell you when or where, but the disorder just fell off me!

During that period, I felt my mind getting lighter and freer, and I felt like I was coming to life—an even better life than I had before I experienced the disorder. I began feeling like I was real, truly here, and living! God also gave me a real love for my family, which I hadn’t felt before because of the emotional detachment.

It has been over a year, and I can tell you that I have not experienced the symptoms of derealization again. I’m totally free from it through meditating on God’s Word. Praise our dear Lord Jesus forever!