Freed From Addiction To Pornography

At the age of nine or ten, I began masturbating and I always felt dirty and unwanted because of what I did. As a pastor’s daughter, I already knew the Lord at a very young age and I was going to church. The enemy plagued me with thoughts of condemnation, asking, “How can you call yourself a pastor’s daughter and be involved in this nasty habit?” I was always fearful, dreading the day that whatever I did would be found out and exposed.

I grew into a very reserved teenager and I had so much hidden bitterness and anger that they even led me to starving myself for days to punish myself.

My addiction to masturbation did not stop and I continued to read and watch pornographic material into my late teens. Because of the condemnation, guilt, fear of failure, and the heaviness upon me, I was aggravated to the point that I tried to commit suicide on numerous occasions.

The shame I felt was indescribable and even though I prayed and read the Bible, I believed that God hated me and was surely going to kill me, or make me go blind for watching pornography.

As such, I have lived for twenty-five years of my life in shame, with many lies and accusations in my head. I hated my addictions and my deep, dark, depression, but I never could seem to rid myself of those bondages. This was because I saw myself as a fat and ugly girl, and my addictions provided a way to “escape” from myself.

Then, about four years ago, I came across Pastor Prince’s program, Destined To Reign, on Trinity Broadcast Network. I nearly changed the channel, thinking, “This preacher is going to tell me how bad I am.”

However, as Pastor Prince started preaching about righteousness and the finished work that Jesus has accomplished on the cross, I sat glued to my seat. Who was this Jesus this pastor was talking about? The same one I had been running away from all my life?

That day, I wept, and I continued to watch Pastor Prince’s program day after day. A year later, I subscribed to the Daily Grace Inspirations devotionals, started reading all the praise reports, and read the books, Destined To Reign and Unmerited Favor. I have also just finished reading chapter twelve of The Power of Right Believing.

It has been a really long journey for me, because God had to remove the huge build-up of lies, fears, condemnation, depression, failures, despair, and hopelessness from my life, bit by bit, and show me just how much He loves me for who I am.

After hearing your message of the year, I knew that this year (2014) would be the year of greater glory for me and I told Daddy God that I wanted to be free from all the chains that had me bound. The devil has come strongly against me, but I still held on to the truth that God loved me, would never leave me, and was sure to set in motion the freedom I wanted.

After Good Friday this year, my life was transformed. Now, I always see and feel Jesus with me, loving me, sharing my experiences with me, and helping me. I also see God with a big smile on His face, telling me how beautiful and funny I am! I no longer have to regret my past, or fear the future, because Jesus’ finished work has given me the greatest assurance that God loves me and cares for me.

I cannot believe that Jesus has loved me through into wholeness, not because I did anything, but because He gave Himself up for me. For a week now, those desires for pornography have slipped off my shoulders. I know it may seem too early to celebrate, but if anyone out there has been chained to the desires of addictions every day for fifteen years, one week of freedom from this addiction and with only Jesus on my mind is worth sharing!

I have never been this happy! For any beloved child of God out there, if you have been feeding on grace but think that nothing is happening in your situation, the abundance of grace in your life will begin to manifest one day! Continue feeding on His love and your breakthrough will surely come to pass!

I thank Daddy God, my loving Savior Jesus, and the Holy Spirit for this freedom I now stand in. God bless you, Pastor Prince, your beautiful family, supportive team, and your blessed church! Praise Jesus! Hallelujah!