I used to believe that God was always mad at me and that if I had any unconfessed sins, I would not be forgiven and would go to hell. I also believed that because of the blasphemous thoughts that would flood my mind, I had committed the unpardonable sin.

Because of this, I tried to rebuke the thoughts all day, or I would pray, “Oh God, forgive me. I did not mean that.” I became so preoccupied with what was going on in my mind that I was unable to do anything else.

I thought that my salvation depended on me and that I had to be righteous on my own. I did not understand that salvation was not for me to maintain but that I had eternal security. Because of this wrong believing, I was always confessing my sins and became unable to function and carry out my daily tasks.

As time went on, the blasphemous thoughts and fear of unconfessed sins continued and grew. My mind only got worse. I began to get angry at God because I could not understand why I was hearing about His grace while also believing that He was ready to reject and abandon me when I failed.

I was constantly afraid and would pray fearful prayers throughout my day. I was not able to go out to eat (because I thought it was a sin) or even hang out with friends. I thought enjoying certain things in life made me a bad, unserious Christian, so I cut many things out of my life.

Eventually, I got to the point where I was unable to function normally and was doing very poorly in school and at work. I was afraid of everything, and any simple task felt like a huge burden. I would often spend my days crying and getting angry. Needless to say, I was depressed, anxious, and lonely, and I did not believe God loved me.

Eventually, I heard Joseph Prince’s message, The Battle for Your Mind. I was amazed at what I heard. As I listened to the message, I was filled with hope. I was overjoyed to learn that transformation comes by beholding Jesus. I was also glad to learn that I did not have to fight. Rather, by God’s grace, I could ignore the devil instead of rebuking him all day.

Ever since listening to the gospel of grace, Jesus has set me free from many fears. He has helped me to understand that He loves me and that nothing I have done, am doing, or will ever do could change that. This has given me hope outside of myself. I now look forward to the good the Lord has in store for me.